MSUGANA

Identity Crisis

I often question myself whether I am more American or Indonesian.  Ever since I got my US permanent residency at the end of last year (hurray!), I do feel like I need to know where I wish to permanently reside.

I’ve spent a total of more than 20% of my life living in the United States, with the majority of those times during the last few years of my life.  Easy to say, my current self has been more exposed to America than Indonesia.

This identity crisis isn’t exactly a big deal, but I feel like I need to understand myself more in order to decide what I should do with the rest of my life -stay in the US or return to the mothaland.

My curiosity on which nationality I belong to the most is one of the main factors on why I need to go home to Indonesia this summer (it’ll be 5 years since I was back!).  I need to see with my own eyes and experience fully where I fit in.

But for now, I honestly can’t tell.

Indonesia will always win the ‘people’ factor.  My best friends and family are all there.  But US provides the kind of environment that I prefer to be surrounded by.  Being a small fish in the big sea has always been more appealing to me.

PS: Unfortunately, random factors such as men often influence my decision on which country I should reside in :P